FALLING...

PEOPLE SAID THAT FEELINGS AND MINDS ARE THE MOST VOLUNTARY AND FREE GIFT THAT YOU CAN HAVE AND NO ONE CAN TAKE . I HAD ALMOST EVEN BEEN AFRAID OF THINKING AND FEELING. EVERYTIME I THINK AND FEEL, ALWAYS NOTHING GOOD COMING OUT OF THEM.

LET ME TELL YOU A BIT ABOUT MY LIFE LATELY.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GRATEFUL THAT I COULD VISIT FRANCE AND ENJOYED MY BELATED HONEYMOON. I WANT TO SHARE ALL PICTURES WITH FRIENDS ONLINE, THEN
I FELT AND THOUGHT THAT: HEY WHY ARE YOU SHOW-OFF? SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN FRANCE. RESTRAIN YOURSELF!..
OR OTHER THOUGHTS: HEY WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE IN FRANCE, EVERYBODY HAS THEIR OWN BUSINESS.BTW, YOUR TRIP TO FRANCE MIGT MIGHT BE BORING...
THEN SOMETIMES I THINK, NOTHING OF MY LIFE IS INTERESTING TO SHARE...

THEN WHEN IM ABOUT TO UPLOAD THE PICTURES COZ A FRIEND ALREADY INSISTED ON (twink twink.:-)), I SPENT HOURS AND HOURS TO SELECT PHOTOS. I REGRET TAKING SO MANY PICTURES (SEE... HOW UNGRATEFUL I AM, GIVEN THE CHANCE TO SEE FRANCE AND HAVE DIGITAL CAMERA AND IM GRUMPY ABOUT IT)
THEN I HAVE TO CUSTOMIZED THE SIZE OF PHOTOS, THEN I GRUMBLE.. COZ IT TOOK AGES.. (SEE HOW UNGRATEFUL I AM HAVING COMPUTER..WHILE OTHERS DONT HAVE DAILY ACCESS)
THEN TO HIGHLIGHT MY DAY: THE PROGRAM AND ACDSEE BROKE DOWN...
(IM AFRAID TO THINK AND FEEL..:-))

THAT'S THE OPENING FEELINGS OF THIS AUTUMN: BEING GRUMPY AND UNGRATEFUL.
THIS AUTUMN, PRAGUE IS QUITE COLD, ALMOST LIKE BEGINNING OF WINTER, MINUS SNOW OFF COURSE. I FELT SO ALOAF ABOUT IT. BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE TO GO TO THE CZECH CLASS THEN IN SOME DAYS I HAVE TO GO TO PRESCHOOL AND CLIENTS' HOUSES TO TEACH ENGLISH.
BRR... THE COLD BREEZE IS KILLING ME.. SEE... THE UNGRATEFUL IMEL, HAVING THE SCHOOL AND SOME SMALL JOBS.

IT STARTED BEFORE THIS FALL, FEELING SORRY FOR MY SELF. THINKING THAT MY LIFE IS FALLING DOWN AS IM JUST A HOUSE WIFE AND NO CLEAR CAREER AS I USED TO HAVE. EVEN IT IS SO DIFFICULT HERE TO GET A DESIRED JOB. IT ALMOST FRUSTATES ME WHEN I THINK MY EDUCATION LEFT ME NOTHING BUT DEGREE.

MY HUBBY COMFORTING WORDS AND HIS SUPPORT DIDNT SATISFY ME. UNTIL I REALISE IN THIS COLD FALL OF 2005 THAT I M THE ONE WHO SHOULD CREATE MY HAPPINESS AND NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FROM YOU. YOU SHOULDNT BE AFRAID OF WHAT YOU THINK AND FEEL AS YOU SHOULDNT BE AFRAID OF LETTING GO SOME AND PURSUING OTHERS.

NOW I FEEL GRATEFUL AS I SEE MY STUDENTS . HOW CAN I BE NOT GRATEFUL, COZ THROUGH ME THEY LEARN NEW THINGS, NOT ONLY LANGUAGE BUT ALSO IDEAS, KNOWLEDGE, AND FUN.

IF YOU SEE THOSE PRESCHOOL KIDS, THEY ARE SO CUTE AND HONEST, HOW CANT I BE GRATEFUL THAT IM TRUSTED TO TEACH THESE OFFSPRINGS SOMETHING?

IF YOU SEE HOW HARD THOSE ADULTS WANT TO STUDY ENGLISH, HOW CANT I BE GRATEFUL THAT IM GIVEN CHANCE TO STUDY CZECH TOO..

IF I SEE SOME UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE WHO COME TO CZECH CLASS COZ THEY WANT TO GET A JOB AND HAVE NO MONEY, HOW CANT I BE GRATEFUL THAT I ALWAYS HAVE FOOD AT HOME, STILL CAN EAT OUT, AND NOT WORRIED OF TOMORROW FOOD?

WHEN A FRIEND SHARED ME HER SAD MARRIED LIFE AND NEED HELP, HOW CANT I BE GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE A LOVING AND CARING HUSBAND WHO IS NOT ONLY A BEST LOVER BUT ALSO MY BEST FRIEND? HE IS NOT RICH MATERIALLY BUT HE IS RICH WITH LOVE AND SMILE.

SO THIS FALL IS NOT A SAD AUTUMN, BUT A MOMENT WHEN I PROMISE TO LET GO THOSE NEGATIVE AND WEAK MINDS AND FEELINGS LIKE THE FALLING LEAVES AND READY TO FACE AND FIGHT THE LIFE.

HAVE A NICE AUTUMN GUYS..